To be Perfectly Honest...

I almost didn't make it. I almost didn't make it into a month of living in the R.V. I almost gave up.

Waking up at 5 a.m. in the dark and cold was hard. Student teaching was hard. The absence of electricity and Internet was really challenging. Taking care of two dogs was hard, especially as one was becoming increasingly aggressive (to no fault of his own).* 

There were times when the battery got so low and the lights so dim that I could barely see to put on my make up in the morning.

Transitions took up so much time: Drive 45 minutes from school to coffee shop for internet/electricity, unpack and work, pack up, drive to R.V., move R.V. for street sweeping, etc. 

On weekends, I was distracted by Steven and by the duty of taking care of the dogs, all the while having the constant chattering in my mind that I needed to be grading, planning, thinking about teaching. 

I couldn't handle the pressure. I was frustrated. I was being overwhelmingly negative. 

I needed a quiet, clutter-free space to focus. I thought to myself, "In 10 years, what will have a bigger pay-off: Focusing and being the best student teacher I can be or constantly worrying and being distracted by living in an R.V.?"

After one night with much work to do and no light and internet to do it, in need of a shower, and tired of hearing loud, aggressive barking fits from Taj, I had enough. I checked in to a motel.  I went so far as to look on Craigslist, find a room, and even called and set up an appointment to view the room the following day. 

I had so much anxiety that night and I missed Steven. I was so overwhelmed and confused I just burst into tears, sobbing, praying, asking the universe for a sign, any sign to help guide me as to what I should do.

I didn't want to sell out. I didn't want to give up so easily. I didn't want to feel shame when I had to tell people that I had done so. I didn't want to have to borrow a large sum of money from my dad when I knew my sister was finally starting university and needed it more than I did. I didn't want to leave Steven. I had made my bed and needed to lie in it, but I was so stressed I couldn't see straight. 

I have expressed this a little before, and I am not at all proud to admit this, but there is a part of my personality that lacks persistency in things that I struggle with/don't pick up on right away. I have a tough time sticking to things when the going gets tough. Ever since I was little, if I tried something and wasn't automatically good or at least mediocre at something, I would set it aside. 

For example, in seventh grade, I bought a guitar, and once I realized the lack of hand-eye coordination I had, the guitar sat in my room and gathered dust after about only a month of trying it out. However, with things like running and school, I was able to consistently perform well, so I kept up with them. 

Of course, you like what you're good at, and why would you spend time on things you're not good at? TO GET BETTER... something I didn't pick up on when I was younger. It didn't satisfy me to struggle when I could spend time doing well on other things. (NOTE: Please know that I am working desperately on this, and writing this blog is part of doing that! I most definitely see the value of chipping away at something and improving your weaknesses, no matter how slow the going. I see the value of hard work and the process.)

All that being said, I did in fact receive a sign from the universe the very next day. I gave my dad the routing and account numbers for my bank account, to receive the money transfer for the deposit and first month’s rent on the room. As it turns out, I gave him the wrong numbers and in order to send the money, he needed the correct ones by a certain time. I was teaching during the day and couldn't check my phone until after school, when it was too late. I knew right then what to do and called and cancelled the appointment to view the room. I was going to have to stick it out.

As a health teacher, I have a unit on mental health and include the word resiliency in my lessons. While explaining resiliency to my students, I read this quote aloud by Maya Angelou: "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." 

This is what I had to do. I had to be resilient. Once again, as life shows me time and time again, I didn't need to physically change my surroundings; I needed to reframe my thoughts. I remembered that the second main reason I moved into the R.V. was to prove to myself that I can stick to things when the going gets rough. I needed to stay to show myself that I could make it through. 

I started going to the library every night after teaching, working for 4-6 more hours on teaching stuff. Living in the R.V. was the best place I could possibly have been for student teaching. Rather than being able to go home, turn on the T.V., lay on the couch and procrastinate, I had no other choice but to get to work. There was nothing else for me to do except go to the R.V. and sit in the dark until I fell asleep. It was an easy choice. And going to the library paid off... I kept up on all of my grading and planning, and my master teachers even told me that living in an R.V. was not hindering my ability to handle my responsibilities whatsoever, as far as they could tell. 

As it turns out, guess what I realized will pay off more in ten years? Yep, you guessed... staying in the R.V. and being the best student teacher I could be. In ten years, overcoming this challenge will help encourage me in other hard times. After all, if I can accomplish the task of quality student teaching while living in an R.V., I feel like I can get through most anything! I now have the courage to face challenges as I have proven to myself that I don't always give up.

*We now only have one dog. This is a subject for another day.

How do we... find a place to park?

I think I have implicitly mentioned before that we do not live in an R.V. park or have hooks ups. We do something that fellow R.V.er's call "boondocking." This means that we do not hook up to any water or electricity sources, which are usually found in R.V. parks and various camping spots.

In other words, we park on streets. We find spots that are not in front of people's houses and where we would not be disrupting anyone's life. Usually, we look for places where our door faces a dirt lot, a business, a brick wall, or a church, etc. Keep in mind that this is mostly at night time, as we have a state beach pass and spend most day times at the beach, in the parking lot.

The first week that we lived in the R.V. (September 1, 2013), we did stay at a state beach R.V. park for three nights, as we were still adjusting, I had just started student teaching, and we were still organizing the place, seeing how everything fit... including us.

While it is legal to store an R.V. up to 20 feet long on a street for up to 72 hours, fortunately and unfortunately, it is illegal to inhabit a vehicle. Soooooooo, technically we break the law every single night. (Other than this, we are law-abiding citizens!) Technically, we could have the police banging on our door at any time during the night telling us, "Ya can't stay here, gotta move on." So far (cross fingers) this has not happened. Sometimes I feel like people can hear me moving around inside at night, but so far no complaints. I think it helps that we are respectful as possible when we are parked on streets: we don't have friends over, we are not loud, we are not obvious, we do not disturb anyone.

As nice as it would be to stay and live in an R.V. park with full hook-ups, for us it would defeat the purpose as most parks around here are $1000+ per month, and we wouldn't be able to save money. For that price, we could get a nice apartment with utilities and more than 13 feet of actual living space ;)

We find places that are a little more inland (2-3 miles haha) and we find places that we can hear the waves crashing as we fall asleep. In the beginning, we would stay parked around the same place (not in the exact same spot) for weeks at a time. Now, since we are more comfortable, we move around a lot more and find more places to stay.

(Notice the brick wall next to us.)

So there you have it, the first "How" of "How do we ______________? Wednesdays."

Hope you had a better day than I did today :S

Coffee Shop Ramblings

Right now I am sitting in a coffee shop by the beach and I thought I'd pop in. Over the past few days I have really been thinking so much about the blog and ideas for posts have been filtering through my head at what seems like the speed of light. Slight exaggeration ;) I know, but it really feels great because I find that these kind of thoughts only happen when I am really passionate about/into something, such as teaching.

Some of the most prominent thoughts have been about my remorse for not chronicling/documenting our experiences from the very beginning. The main reason for this is because I was student teaching through the end of December. For those of you that are teachers, you know how energy-challenging and stressful a time this can be. I was at school all day teaching, and once that school day was over, I was grading, lesson planning, in class at university, or just overall thinking about teaching in some way. I could not get my mind off of teaching and was constantly thinking about ways to incorporate real life experiences into lesson plans.* I mean, I would be at a restaurant and think, "Hmmm.... that's an interesting way of marketing and can really influence peoples food choices and intake, how can I use this in a lesson during my nutrition unit?" (I should mention now that I am a substitute teacher, although I am credentialed to be a high school health teacher.) Other times, when I did allow myself a little free time, I was either sleeping or trying to nurture my friendships and relationship with Steven.

Anyway, I think one of the main reasons I lament at not documenting the beginning is because I am fearful that I won't be able to fully capture my emotions and thoughts that I was going through in those early months--- after all, they were real and they were intense, in those moments. There were some nights in which I felt I was going to go insane because of my uneasiness and others where I was so stir-crazy I just had to get outside and go... anywhere. Littles and I would walk and walk and walk, in search of some sort of comfort. I already knew back then that this inner-peace and comfort comes from within, but I couldn't feel it because I wasn't allowing myself get a hold of it for some strange reason. I couldn't calm myself down, and I was looking outside of myself for serenity, which is something I was anticipating and wanted to overcome. I just couldn't handle it at first and was not prepared for what the tidal waves of restlessness would bring to my being.

I really wanted you all to go through it with me, to help me realize that I wasn't going insane and these feelings were normal and that everything would be okay; I wanted the feeling of community that I see and hear about with other bloggers. Alas, I cannot change what was and it is what it is,  so now it's one of my greatest hopes that I can emanate those experiences and realizations as they were at the exact moment I had them. And I hope that we can convene and assure each other that this stuff is normal and everything is going to be okay.

Switching gears, there is one good thing about writing about those experiences NOW instead of then, which is that fact that I can offer my reflection and insight as I look back. I can re-feel those emotions, but I am not in a state of utter panic, and my conclusions about the feelings and experiences can offer much more clarity. While this is good for readers, I think it is even better and really important for myself. I mean, one of the main reasons I did this was to change and grow, and writing about the beginning of the process now can help me realize and see just how much of that I have done so far.

So I will leave you with that: The fact that there is a lot more learning, overcoming, and growing to come, and as l lead you through the beginning of my journey, I hope you will join and continue along with me.

Have you ever had to face yourself/the world without distraction? What did it feel like? How did you deal with it?



*I know this is not always a good thing, to take work home with you, but I think it is in this case, especially as a beginning teacher.

Why did (I, Steven, We) decide to live in an R.V.?

Many people are curious (rightfully so) and ask us why we live in an R.V.

I remember one girl I met asked, ".... but didn't you think it was going to be hard? or annoying?" to which I replied, "Of course, that's part of the reason I did it! I wanted to see how I handled it and how I could grow." Then she said, "So everything has been good so far?" This is where is laughed out loud and answered, "Of course not! Part of it has been hard, reeeeeally hard, AND annoying, but I knew that coming into it, and again was looking for a change and ready for the ups and downs."

I think it kind of astonishes people (especially family haha) that Steven and I would choose a life that's slightly more challenging/unconventional. However, what I think people forget is that part of the reason we choose to do this is so that life will be a little easier later in life, particularly when buying a house.

This point leads me to the number one reason the idea of living in an R.V. popped into our heads:

1. One day, we want to own a house--- close to the ocean, on A LOT of property (open land). We want land so that we can do all of our own gardening and have chickens, etc. while living an environmentally-friendly, sustainable, all-natural lifestyle. Besides the fact that big property close to the beach is very scarce, this only aids in the fact that it is $$$$EXPENSIVE$$$$. We would often ponder, "How are we going to afford this on an environmental scientist's and teacher's budget?" We decided that if we could save the money we would normally pay to rent (+some) then in a few-five years, we could afford a down payment on a small cottage and upgrade from there. In sum, our number one reason for doing this is to save money. 

Why else did we want to live in an R.V.?

2. To prove to ourselves that we could. We also wanted to follow through on our dream, instead of having it be a fantasy in our past. We liked the anticipated challenge and want to be able to look back one day and say, "Can you believe we did that? Yeah, we totally did that!" And as much as I don't like saying this, there is a little ego/pride/twinkle in my eye involved when we tell people where we live. I think I like the shock factor :)

3. For personal growth. Personally, I hadn't encountered a huge shift in four years. I was comfortable with school, living in an awesome house with awesome roommates (Delaware House--- a post for another day), having a couple pizza shop/after-school program jobs. I felt that my growing was being hindered by lack of big change. I wanted to get out of my comfort zone to see how I would react and how I handled it in the long run.

4. To live more simply/have less "things." This is one area where I still need to improve. Full disclosure: we have a storage area in Steven's brother's garage. It mostly has my books/teaching stuff, craft stuff, camping/snowboard gear, and professional clothing, BUT it is still too much. I don't even go in there more than once every two weeks to a month, meaning that I don't use or need much of it. Part of tho has been lack of time and motivation to clean it out. However, I still have a lot of growing to do where materialism is involved.

5. To have a good story when we're older. This was kind of talked about above, but we look forward to telling our kids/grandkids about our adventure, with pictures to prove it! (I'm working on the taking pictures thing! In fact, I should take lessons from Steven's mom; she is always SO good about it and remembers every time!)

6. To move in together. We wanted to move in together, but I had student teaching coming up and couldn't afford more rent than I was paying at the Delaware House. We didn't want to live with other roommates, which left us with studios and one bedrooms as options. They were all pricey and in the long term we would be paying a lot of money while not being able to save much. Plus, we didn't want to get stuck in a lease contract as we didn't know if we would find jobs elsewhere within the next 5-? months.

So, these are the major reasons that we choose to do what we do. Have you ever wanted to do something big and/or scary? Did you do it? How did you handle it?

How do we __________________________? Wednesdays

       I have decided that I need to start writing about what I actually started this blog to write about: HOW we manage to live in an R.V. in Southern California and both have jobs/go to school at the same time! First, I want to show everybody that it is possible while bringing you along on our journey. Second, I think it is a pretty original blog, as I am aware that there are other R.V. blogs out there, but most, (if not all), that I have come across are older, most of the time retired, people who are traveling across the United States while staying in R.V. parks with full hook-ups. While this is awesome, I think it is nice to show a different side to full-time R.V. living.

       In pursuit of trying to have a more consistent schedule blogging, I have decided to start a series called "How do we (fill in the blank)? Wednesdays." In this series, I will address the questions that we have come across most often from our friends, family, and strangers alike.

       I will be starting the series next week, so brace yourself... just kidding! I am going to start with something mellow--- How we live/park on the day-to-day.

       Since I don't have a relevant picture to accompany this post, I figured I'd give you all a laugh with this...

Me and the second love of my life accessorizing... She's ready for Coachella :)

and this...

No Excuses

Okay, so I really don't have any excuses as to why I haven't posted... other than the fact that it's the awful awesome part of my personality that tends to be inconsistent with most things that I am not absolutely forced to do. Please bear with me while I find my way and explore the blogging life!

Once again, there is not a whole lot going on over here. I find that most of my weekdays are filled with work while my weeknights filled with class/studying. I am really interested in what I am learning and have A's in all of my classes, so I guess that's a plus! (I am taking the four prerequisite classes for the education specialist program at Cal State Long Beach.) I can honestly say I really enjoy being a good student, especially after just doing "what I needed to do to get by" in my undergrad. I actually do all of the assigned readings and start papers weeks before they're do-- it's such a change and it feels really great! Not procrastinating does WONDERS in helping to deal with my constant anxiety (a post for another day...). It's helping to increase my confidence that I CAN be consistent about things and I'm hoping after a while I can start incorporating it into other areas of my life (working out, blogging, meditating/yoga, etc.) I'm trying to take baby steps and more strongly develop the habit before I work on all of those though, as I have the tendency to try and make all the life changes I want at once, and end up hopelessly failing after a week few days ;)

There were a few family gatherings with Steven's family which were really fun and we went to a Clippers vs. Hawks game in L.A.... which I have no proof of. (Yeah, I need to add "taking photos" to that everlasting, ongoing list of things I want to be consistent about!) 

That being said, here are a few pics of the past month that I DID remember to take...

This is the life. Sunny, hot day at the beach, reading. This is dog beach and you can see Little's ear in the bottom left of the picture.

Birthday Shoes!!! I love them so much!

Tide Pools at Crescent Bay in Laguna Beach--- I love them so much (I really have a thing for shallow, clear water, like ponds and streams, and low tide at the beach. I don't know why this is but I've always been this way.) Little is an adventure dog and it's so funny to see her climb around... She's really brave!

Sea urchins

Steven's best Miley Cyrus face... (Notice the litter in the left hand corner-- it's really sad to see stuff like this. I attribute it to naiveté, as I can't imagine someone who knows better leaving trash behind.)

After the tide pools, Little was exhausted.

Little's best Miley face ;)

P.S. My 25th birthday was on March 11th! I'm not a huge birthday celebrator (is that a word?) and I don't feel any older, though I will say that 5 years ago, this is not what I imagined 25 to be like. (Of course, back then I thought I would be out of college with a career making 60+k a year with a nice apartment and traveling the world in my off-time... bahahahaha oh to be a sophomore in college again!) It leaves me really excited to see where the next five years takes me, as I always say that I can't even begin to imagine how my life will turn out... not even in my wildest dreams.